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āļø Taurus SZNš
Spring Read #3
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so true
#turned off reblogs bc my activity page is in shambles. i will turn them on again later#also if youāre here reading these tags: this post is about supernatural#angel of thursday#i am not going to let covid stop me from posting a thursday chapter as usual#mine
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the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.
#was rereading the hunger games series when this thought hit me like a truck#it beautiful#its haunting#its heartbreaking#its melancholic#quotes#dark academia#books and reading#books & libraries#books#young adult#ya books#young adult books#movies#coming of age#the hunger games#the divergent series#the maze runner#the fault in our stars#musings#midnight musings#thoughts#mine
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āā¦to meā is one of the most powerful disclaimers we have on hereā¦ is this character analysis accurate? debatable. but itās realā¦ to me.
#honestly i have never read character analysis that i felt was 100% accurate#and it shouldnāt be#itās a transformative creative work in and of itself based on the viewerās subjective experience with the work#To Me is especially useful for less serious things#like. this random song applies to this extremely specific and emotionally fraught situationā¦ To Me šš#you know how it is
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I can behave normally around books
#shitpost#anyway guess who brought home 24 new books today?#if you guessed me. well. you would be correct#in my defense I only bought 5#for a combined total of usd#whereād the number go. it was 17 usd#the rest were from me going through what my dad was getting rid of for space and claiming it for myself#but either way#24 in one day is a personal record I think#also I do fully intend to read all of these itās not hoarding for hoardings sake
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please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!
do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!
#i am so sick of writers having to anticipate the most boring#bad-faith readings of their work. i am like - if you use cheese as a currency#okay! as long as the world makes sense to me: cool. cheese tax. moving on.#my job as the reader is to suspend my disbelief and say okay! i am so sick of like#fanfiction authors having to write dissertations#because they had an interesting idea they'd like to try out!!!#just write it! if it doesn't make sense that's someone else's problem!!!#PS OP is autistic. yes sometimes i take things literally at first glance. then i think about it lol#this is so clearly not about accessibility etc. it's about like. girl even i an autistic person#am able to understand ''they probably didn't mean his eyes darkened LITERALLY''
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someone on twitter said Imagine what s2 jayce would give to talk to s1 viktor just one more time. and someone had a time travel alternate dimension fic ready to go. and i read it. and now my face is being eaten by 3750 feral dogs i think
#thisss wass going to be just one little sketch lord help me#the guys you put on this earth to finish their psych degrees are drawing pathetic men again#jayvik#arcane#viktor arcane#jayce talis#my art#fanart#i have uni and work and also therapy to do but i got sick this week so i think i read like. over 30 fics yesterday like i was struck#by some affliction legitimately#please talk with me about them. this is a cry for help#i drew all these while listening to circa survive on repeat do you understand what that does to a man
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I want to step away from the art-vs-artist side of the Gaiman issue for a bit, and talk about, well, the rest of it. Because those emotions you're feeling would be the same without the art; the art just adds another layer.
Source: I worked with a guy who turned out to be heavily involved in an international, multi-state sex-slavery/trafficking ring.
He was really nice.
Yeah.
It hits like a dumptruck of shit. You don't feel stable in your world anymore. How could someone you interacted with, liked, also be a truly horrible person? How could your judgement be that bad? How can real people, not stylized cartoon bogeymen, be actually doing this shit?
You have to sit with the fact that you couldn't, or probably couldn't, have known. You should have no guilt as part of this horror ā but guilt is almost certainly part of that mess you're feeling, because our brains do this associative thing, and somehow "I liked [the version of] the guy [that I knew]", or his creations, becomes "I made a horrible mistake and should feel guilty."
You didn't, loves, you didn't.
We're human, and we can only go by the information we have. And the information we have is only the smallest glimpse into someone else's life.
I didn't work closely with the guy I knew at work, but we chatted. He wasn't just nice; he was one of the only people outside my tiny department who seemed genuinely nice in a workplace that was rapidly becoming incredibly toxic. He loaned me a bike trainer. Occasionally he'd see me at the bus stop and give me a lift home.
Yup. I was a young woman in my twenties and rode in this guy's car. More than once.
When I tell this story that part usually makes people gasp. "You must feel so scared about what could have happened to you!" "You're so lucky nothing happened!"
No, that's not how it worked. I was never in danger. This guy targeted Korean women with little-to-no English who were coerced and powerless. A white, fluent, US citizen coworker wasn't a potential victim. I got to be a person, not prey.
Y'know that little warning bell that goes off, when you're around someone who might be a danger to you? That animal sense that says "Something is off here, watch out"?
Yeah, that doesn't ping if the preferred prey isn't around.
That's what rattled me the most about this. I liked to think of myself as willing to stand up for people with less power than me. I worked with Japanese exchange students in college and put myself bodily between them and creeps, and I sure as hell got that little alarm when some asian-schoolgirl fetishist schmoozed on them. But we were all there.
I had to learn that the alarm won't go off when the hunter isn't hunting. That it's not the solid indicator I might've thought it was. That sometimes this is what the privilege of not being prey does; it completely masks your ability to detect the horrors that are going on.
A lot of people point out that 'people like that' have amazing charisma and ability to lie and manipulate, and that's true. Anyone who's gotten away with this shit for decades is going to be way smoother than the pathetic little hangers-on I dealt with in university. But it's not just that. I seriously, deeply believe that he saw me as a person, and he did not extend personhood to his victims. We didn't have a fake coworker relationship. We had a real one. And just like I don't know the ins-and-outs of most of my coworkers lives, I had no idea that what he did on his down time was perpetrate horrors.
I know this is getting off the topic, but it's so very important. Especially as a message to cis guys: please understand that you won't recognize a creep the way you might think you will. If you're not the preferred prey, the hind-brain alarm won't go off. You have to listen to victims, not your gut feeling that the person seems perfectly nice and normal. It doesn't mean there's never a false accusation, but face the fact that it's usually real, and you don't have enough information to say otherwise.
So, yeah. It fucking sucks. Writing about this twists my insides into tense knots, and it was almost a decade ago. I was never in danger. No one I knew was hurt!
Just countless, powerless women, horrifically abused by someone who was nice to me.
You don't trust your own judgement quite the same way, after. And as utterly shitty as it is, as twisted up and unstead-in-the-world as I felt the day I found out ā I don't actually think that's a bad thing.
I think we all need to question our own judgement. It makes us better people.
I don't see villains around every corner just because I knew one, once. But I do own the fact that I can't know, really know, about anyone except those closest to me. They have their own full lives. They'll go from the pinnacles of kindness to the depths of depravity ā and I won't know.
It's not a failing. It's just being human. Something to remember before you slap labels on people, before you condemn them or idolize them. Think about how much you can't know, and how flawed our judgement always is.
Grieve for victims, and the feeling of betrayal. But maybe let yourself off the hook, and be a bit slower to skewer others on it.
#listen to old auntie Shades#serious#fuck I don't know how to tag this#I should probably read-more this but I'm not sure where#and now I need to go take a walk for my stupid mental health#you never stop processing#you do it over and over and over and over#and hope it gets a bit easier each time#Someone might get upset by using prey#but 'preferred prey' is an important concept from the predator's view#it doesn't mean the people are inherently prey#you feel me?#it's the best word I can find for the concept#neil gaiman#adjacent
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Finally now that the comic is fully public on comicfury, I get to share it with all of you here, too <3
If you enjoyed, please consider supporting by buying a PDF of the comic on itch.io: https://tawnysoup.itch.io/home-in-the-woods
#I'd rather not clutter the caption so I'll ramble a little in the tags#HitW is short but special to me as it represents and encapsulates some hard life experiences I was going through at the time of its creatio#Ofc in a more metaphorical manner! but. I have been very much enjoying reading people's comments and speculation as its been posting#the interpretations are so meaningful and varied and i love that and really want to encourage anyone to reflect on what it means to them#for me making this comic was a way to process and move past trauma. i feel like it ends anti-climactically but i wanted to be true to#where i thought things were actually going in my life moreso than to veer towards impact. ultimately im glad i managed to finish it#and for it to finish going public right before the new year? maybe i can see this as shedding that old pain in time to become something new#so thank you for reading for supporting and for still being here. lets wake up to 2025 with wind in our sails#Home in the Woods#my art#my comics#original comic#cw guns#cw blood#cw body horror
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This is my love letter to the most beautiful ship I witnessed this year. Cheers to us Jayvik nation š«
#just wanna say im so touched with the kind words i read on my wip post#you guys helped me finish this one!!#my magnus opus for this year i fear#arcane spoilers#arcane#jayvik#sketch#fanart#myart#procreate#drawing#illustration
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do you think a cornered mouse would dream of cheese
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its so scary to put yourself out there but a SINGLE message saying "hi i loved what you made it touched me in some way" makes it all worth it 10000%
#as a writer every time someone dms me saying thank you for what you do its like no THANK YOU for reading it and telling me#writing#art
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do you have any ideas about why so many students are struggling with literacy now? I know that illiteracy and reading comprehension have been issues for years and most americans read at like a 5th grade reading level but Iām curious why it seems to be worse now (pandemic? no child left behind?)
It is everything. Thereās not one answer. I could talk about this forever so instead I set a five minute timer on my phone and wrote a list of as many of the many things that are causing this on a systemic level that I could think of:
Itās parents not reading with their kids (a privilege, but some parents have that privilege to be able to do this and donāt.)
Itās youtube from birth and never being bored.
Itās phasing out phonics for sight words (memorizing without understanding sounds or meaning) in elementary schools in the early aughts.
Itās defunding public libraries that do all the community and youth outreach.
Itās NCLB and mandating standardized tests which center reading short passages as opposed to longform texts so students donāt build up the endurance or comprehension skills.
Itās NCLB preventing schools from holding students back if they lack the literacy skills to move onto the next grade because they canāt be left behind so theyāre passed on.
Itās the chronic underfunding of ESL and Special Ed programs for students who need extra literacy support.
Itās the cultural devaluing of the humanities in favor of stem and business because those make more money which leads to a lot of students to completely disregard reading and writing.ļæ¼
Itās the learning loss from covid.
Itās covid trauma manifesting in a lot of students as learned helplessness, or an inability to āfigure things outā or push through adversity to complete challenging tasks independently, especially reading difficult texts.
Itās covid normalizing cheating and copying.
Itās increasing phone use.
Itās damage to attention span exacerbated by increased phone use that leaves you without an ability to sit and be bored ever without 2-3 forms of constant stimulation.
Itās shortform video becoming the predominant form of social media content as opposed to anything text-based.
Itās starting to also be generative AI.
Itās the book bans.
what did I miss.
#iām not immune to any of this. Iām trying to read more. itās good for me#I think that the literacy crisis is a manufactured result of a lot of different policy choices because it creates an exploitable underclass
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Spent a ridiculous amount of time last night obsessively editing my hand written zines in Photoshop to take away any tiny blemishes so they were definitely readable.
Whatever. Understand or don't.
#I can't always read hyper-neat cursive. Doctors get away with being worse than me.#I'm allowed to be messy#nariart#1 sheet zine#mini zine#8 page zine#zines#zine#Taking time to write slowly enough to be understood was a special kind of torture in school.#My brain was going 100 km/h and I couldn't keep up and also be legible.#Now I can take my time and take breaks. But I still have that little voice in my head.#narizine#nariwrites
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hypothetical scenario for you all: the real king arthur returns. you meet him and you welcome him into your home. what is the first thing you do with him? keep in mind, this is a man from the 500s (he died in 542), and you are from the 21st century (2024).
#most chaotic answer gets a follow and reblog from me#me personally?#i would force him to watch bbc merlin and get him to read merthur fanfics#i'm so sorry for this... however#i'm just a girl#bbc merlin#merlin#bbc#bbcm#bbc's merlin#merlin bbc#king arthur#arthur pendragon#arthuriana#summoning all the arthuriana fans#regardless of what adaptation you are a fan because of#update 02/08: this has now been closed
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